i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
