I heard we made out
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So much rum. So many feels.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
