Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
