Yo dont text me then not text me
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
