Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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