You smell like a Billy Joel song
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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