No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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