Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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