Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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