Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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