You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
