I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
