I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
