I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
