I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
