I smell stomach acid.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
