Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
