gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
