my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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