Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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