listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
This is the high leading the old right now
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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