Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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