PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
