hell yes lets make some ravioli
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
