So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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