Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
