he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
