I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
