You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
