After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
