How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
