dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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