He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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