his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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