She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
