just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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