So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
