Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
