I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
