please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
