I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
