i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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