i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Can I color on your dick again?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
