I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Drake has all the answers
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
