only if we run a train.
done.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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