I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
