i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I think my nap took me to another dimension
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
