I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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