Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
