today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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