we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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