Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
